หน้าแรก > Essay, Wien Diary > Are we travelling at the same speed?

Are we travelling at the same speed?

I worked until late again.  It was nearly midnight when I shut down my computer, switch off the office’s lights, and locked the door.  I walked out of the building and looked up the sky, it was pit dark.  Cool air breezed pass me.  I should felt refreshed but not.  Instead, I was in a dark mood.  The thought of death crept over my mind.  It felt fearful.  I didn’t want to think about it but could not shut it off.  It just ran.  I imagined how I would feel about deaths of my love ones; probably like a dagger being plunge into my chest.  I touched my left chest instinctively but there were no blood.  Street lamps lit yellow patches on the footpaths with a few walking shadows casted over them.  I walked on and then thought about my own death.  It would probably be pitch black like the sky tonight, and my loved one probably will feel like a dagger plunge into their chests.

I walked through a park and into an underground station.  I was in the light again.  I stopped thinking and looked up at the live train timer.  Three minutes until the next train come; ‘Not bad, for this hour’.  I made my way across the platform to my usual standing place.  I noticed a few lovers around me.  They were hugging, caressing, making their present known to one another.  ‘How lucky of them’ I thought.  But they will have to be parted someday.  ‘Do they know this?’  Sure they do.  Sure they do.

“We will be parted at the end, for certain.  so why wait?” – That was the reason my then girlfriend initially gave to break up with me.  She was right, absolutely right.  It is hard to argue with such fact.  Although, at that time we were at the same university and also the same hall of residence, we came from different countries and we WILL one day be parted.

A train came, the door opened.  I didn’t board it but stood still, watching people got on and got off. The door closed.  I watched the train accelerating and how figures of people on it gradually melted into a singular mass as it zoomed pass me and left.  I was at the same spot, stood still.  The platform went quiet then a few people came and it was lively again.

It was actually five years later that me and my then girlfriend moved apart.  We split up shortly after the conversation.  I went on to finish uni, and so did she.  I found works and stayed on in the same city while she too, stayed on to further her study.  It worked out ironically rather well.

A few minutes later another train came.  The melted mass disintegrated into figures as the train slowed down and stopped.  The door opened, I stepped aside to let some people out and boarded the train.  As it accelerated and moved off the platform, the people on the platform melted into a singular mass of blur before the darkness of the tunnel overcame everything.  I turned from the window and looked around the inside the train, at the people who were moving at the same speed as me.  They were in the light.  Their figures were clear, sharp, and close.   I turned back to the window and looked deep through the glass into the darkness outside the moving train.

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